Leather Pants: A Tale Concerning Havoc and Mustang
by Loreyulia
Summary: This is a fan-based parody of a fan-based parody involving the premise of littlekuriboh's song, "Leather pants," done Fullmetal Alchemist style. This was written for all of my lovely reviewers to my fic titled Leather Pants. Please enjoy the random.


Disclaimer: No I still don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, but since I legally married Yu-Gi-Oh the abridged series, I think I own rights to the song used… maybe.

A/N: Again, thank you to all who reviewed Leather pants! I really appreciate all of the support. Oh, and if some parts seem off, it's because I didn't write this while watching the video… I kind of just pulled it all from memory, so forgive me in advance. If you haven't seen Little Kuriboh's YGOTAS then I suggest you at least watch his Bad Romance (by Lady GaGa) parody entitled "Leather Pants." Otherwise you might not understand this fanfiction… I hope Little Kuriboh doesn't kill me for this…

Leather Pants: An Epic Tale Concerning Havoc and Mustang

It was the fiftieth time this month that one Jean Havoc had petitioned to become the new main character for the critically acclaimed anime Fullmetal Alchemist. But with no such luck… Poor Havoc was shot down every time by the director's who claimed, "Silly Havoc, Edward Elric is the only main character material we've got around here, so suck it up." Needless to say Havoc was getting tired of all the rejection, and so was going to exploit the elder Elric brother in the only way he knew how; steal the source of his overwhelming power…

Which leads us, dear fanfiction readers, to where we are now. Havoc was standing in front of Colonel Roy Mustang screaming aloud, "I know how we're going to defeat Edward Elric once and for all!"

Roy, who has also tried countless times with no success to become the main character, replied sarcastically, "Let me guess, we're going to force the shortstack to drink milk?"

Completely disregarding Roy's statement, Havoc went on to say, with a crazy glint in his eyes, "No, we're going to steal from him the source of his power, then we will use it against him!"

Roy furrowed his eyebrows in question as he asked, "His metal arm?"

Looking at Roy like he was insane Havoc screamed, "Foolish fool! His metal arm isn't the source of his power. His power comes from his leather pants!"

Roy looked at Havoc skeptically as he replied, "Seriously?"

Grabbing onto Roy's arm, and dragging him from the safety of his own office, Havoc dramatically pointed at the horizon and proclaimed, "Yes! Come Colonel, let us attain his leather pants!"

Grumbling, Roy just merely stated, "Ok Havoc, since I have nothing better to do…"

~Enter random sing-along sequence~

"Oh-oo-wo-oh-wo-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, let's take his leather pants! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, let's take his leather pants!" Wiggling his fingers maniacally, Havoc went on to sing, "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, Mwuah-ha-ha-ha-ha, Da-la-la-la-la, we want his leather pants! Ga-ga-rah-rah-rah, Na-na-fla-fla-fla, Cha-cha-cha, take off his leather pants!" Lying seductively inside a random bathtub, Havoc cast a glance to the filming crew as he continued his ridiculous singing montage.

"I'm getting ready, my legs have been waxed. 'Cuz when we get them, I'm wearing your slacks, right on my tush – tush, tush, tush, right on my tush."

(Tush, tush, tush, right on my tush) The random chorus guys who consisted of Hughes, Breda, Falman, and Fuery sang passionately.

Havoc was now dressed in a silly black outfit, walking down a dark hallway singing, "We want your trousers, your breeches, your chaps. No, you can't get these pants from shopping at GAP, their service sucks! Sucks, sucks, sucks, it really sucks! (Sucks, sucks, sucks, it really sucks)

Popping up from out of nowhere Mustang began to sing in a deep creepy voice, "You know that we want them, and know that we need them! We want the pants, your leather pants!"

Pushing Roy out of the way and regaining the spotlight, Havoc continued to sing with the chorus guys dancing in the background, "Me and Mustang, we will have our revenge, him and me will take your leather pants! (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) Me and Mustang, we will have our revenge, him and me will take your leather pants!"

"Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, let's take his leather pants! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, give us the effing pants!" Popping in and out of the camera shots, Havoc sang at the top of his lungs, "Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, Da-da-pa-pa-pa, Ya-ya-mamma mia! We want those leather pants!"

Holding up various types of pants for Mustang's viewing pleasure, Havoc sang, "We don't want vinyl, or chinos, or briefs –" Mustang was now holding a knapsack and dressed like a thief, "I am a criminal, and he is a thief. 'Cuz we're both hot, hot, hot, hot, we are quite sexy!"

Shaking his head, Mustang simply stated, "Havoc that doesn't rhyme!"

Grabbing Mustang by his shirtfront, Havoc screamed in reply "Shut up! I am Lady GaGa!"

Dancing along vaguely to the inexplicably catchy beat playing in the background, Havoc sang, "I have watched Psycho, and I liked Vertigo. The Birds was ok, Ooooo! I loved Rear Window, by Alfred Hitchcock, cock, cock, cock, we love Hitchcock!" (Cock, cock, cock, we love Hitchcock)

Glaring evilly at the camera, Mustang sang in that deep, creepy voice, "You know that we want them, and you know that we need them! We want the pants, your leather pants!"

Again, Havoc pushed Mustang from the spotlight singing passionately, "Me and Mustang, we will have our revenge, him and me will take your leather pants! (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) Me and Mustang, we will have our revenge, him and me will take your leather pants!"

"Oh-oh-whoa-ah-oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, we want those leather pants! No-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, let's steal his leather pants!" Gigantic letters advertising what Havoc was singing appeared out of nowhere, almost smacking the two would-be thieves left and right, "Tah-tah-mah-mah-mah, Bah-bah-wah-wah-wah! Zah-zah-vah-vah-vah, take off his leather pants!" Mustang was now sitting in a school desk, furiously scribbling out the words that Havoc was pointing to on the blackboard as he sung them aloud, "Gah-gah-rah-rah-rah, Na-na-flah-flah-flah, La-la-cha-cha-cha, I like these silly voices!"

The two were now walking down a runway, shaking what their mothers gave them as they sang together, "Wear, wear leather baby, work it, move your tush, it's sexy!" Now they were kneeling and playing patty-cake to the beat in the background as they continued, "Wear, wear leather baby, work it, move your tush, it's sexy!" Havoc then turning to Kakashi-sensei, who showed up out of nowhere reading Make-Out Paradise, and played one-handed patty-cake with him singing, "Wear, wear leather baby, work it, move your tush, it's sexy! Wear, wear leather baby, work it –" Havoc broke away from the duet screaming, "I'm an evil bitch baby!"

"We want your pants, and we want our revenge –" Havoc was now pressing his body suggestively against Mustang, who looked like he was about to kill himself, as Havoc went on to sing, "We want your pants, and we're really just friends!" Havoc then began to sing in French, holding a French for Dummies book upside-down, and wearing a sexy beret, "Je voudrais son, pantalon cuir. Son pantalon –" throwing away the book and beret, Havoc declared to the heavens, "Why am I speaking French? I don't wanna be French!"

"We want your leather pants! Take off your friggin' pants!" Now Mustang and Havoc were dancing along with the chorus guys as they…well, they sang the chorus. "Me and Mustang, we will have our revenge, him and me will take your leather pants! (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) Me and Mustang, we will have our revenge, him and me will take your leather pants!"

"Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, we want the freaking pants! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, let's get his leather pants! Let's take his leather pants."

Then, the camera clipped to Edward Elric bursting into his room in nothing but his shirt, underwear, and boots. His eyes immediately landed on the empty space where his beloved leather pants once lay. Biting his lips dramatically, Ed stormed his way out of the room towards where Havoc and Mustang's secret hideout was (somehow knowing it was them who had stolen his pants).

The camera then clipped back to Havoc and his sing-along posse as he, you know, sang, "Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, take off those friggin' pants! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, remove his effing pants! Let's take his leather pants!"

Now in their secret hideout, Havoc triumphantly held Ed's leather pants above his head as he ended the song "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, Mwuah-ha-ha-ha! Gah-ha-ha-ha-ha, we got the leather pants!"

Still holding Ed's pants triumphantly, Havoc declared, "At last, the source of Fullmetal's main character powers, his leather pants! They belong to me!"

Mustang glared at Havoc, replying, "You mean us?"

Havoc briefly looked over his shoulder at Mustang saying, "Don't be difficult, fluffy. Only one of us can wear the pants!"

Grinning evilly, Mustang nonchalantly stated, "Ok, Havoc. Though I have to say, I had no idea that you were so keen to get into Edward's pants."

Havoc's face paled at the thought, and he thrusted the pants into Mustang's waiting arms as he mumbled, "You know what? On second thought, you put them on."

Grinning happily, Roy began trying in vain to put on the small, skintight pants, as Edward Elric burst into the hideout screaming, "What in the name of equivalent exchange is going on? Why did you remove my trousers?"

Havoc laughed evilly as he proclaimed to the world (but mostly to Ed), "It's over, shorty! Now we are the ones wearing the pants on this show!"

The camera panned over to Roy, who after much struggling and sucking in his barely noticeable belly fat, had finally managed to pull on the pants…though they were too short so they were more like capris on the rather tall colonel. Roy looked down at his ridiculous-looking image and said, "Damn, these pants are too short. But behold; now the true source of your power is clamped tightly around my buttocks!"

Ed looked incredulously at Havoc and Mustang as he replied, "What? Don't be absurd. My leather pants aren't the source of my power."

Havoc's eyes narrowed as he screamed overdramatically, "Wait, what? They're not? But it was so friggin' obvious!"

Edward rolled his eyes sarcastically and replied, "No, no, no. I'm afraid my power comes from my leather shoes."

Not expecting Havoc to take him seriously, Ed was surprised when the blonde officer cried, "No, this cannot be! There aren't even any Lady Gaga songs that rhyme with shoes! Curse you Fullmetal!"

The camera swiveled to Mustang, who was rubbing his butt lovingly as he stated, "I really do like the pants."

Havoc broke away from his hysterical sobs and said, matter-of-factly, "Yes, they do look good on you."

Edward sighed, completely fed up with this whole ridiculous fanfiction as he asked, "Can I have those back now?"

Roy grabbed at his leather-clad body possessively as he simply replied, "No!"

~~~~The End~~~~


End file.
